Chapter 35: If You Don’t Kiss Me Now, Just Die

 Wen Xueya woke up and saw Xie Qinghan. Rubbing his eyes, he asked in surprise, "Brother He? Why are you here too?"

"I came to the Red Lotus Realm to search for treasures and happened to be teleported here by the array. How are you feeling now? Are you uncomfortable?"

Wen Xueya tilted his head, thought for a moment, then leaned his head toward Xie Qinghan, mumbling, "Brother He, I don't feel well."

Xie Qinghan reached out and touched his forehead, then pressed his own forehead against Wen Xueya's. After a moment, he frowned, "Your temperature is normal, no fever."

Wen Xueya, having achieved his goal, curled his lips into a faint smile and said, "I feel fine now."

Xie Qinghan: "..."

Wen Xueya looked around, "Where is this?"

"The Ghost Domain of the Red Lotus Realm."

"Then there must be a Ghost King here, and the Fire Fusion Pill?"

Xie Qinghan: "The Fire Fusion Pill, when combined with Windbright Grass, can repair damaged meridians. Since we're here, let's brave the Ghost Domain and get the Fire Fusion Pill for you."

"Someone's coming."

Xie Qinghan pulled Wen Xueya to hide behind the bushes.

Two people in wedding attire approached.

They were clearly rogue cultivators who had entered the Red Lotus Realm and accidentally been teleported to the Ghost Domain.

The groom-clad cultivator said, "If you hadn't been so slow, we wouldn't have been caught by those paper-folded people!"

The bride retorted, “What’s so scary about them?”

“Heh, those paper-folded people love to capture cultivators and force them to marry. After pushing them into the bridal chamber, they force them to consummate the marriage. Then, the Ghost King appears and absorbs their cultivation.”

“Holy sh*t! We’re both men! How the hell are we supposed to consummate a marriage? Damn it, I don’t want to be the one on the bottom!”

"??? What nonsense are you spouting? If anyone's doing anything, it's me!"

"No, it's me!"

"It's me!"

The two cultivators inexplicably started arguing over who would take the dominant role.

Xie Qinghan: "..."

Why argue over who's on top?

Wouldn't it be better to be as straight as steel, like him?

The groom sighed dejectedly, "The paper-folded people are almost here. Do you have a way to get out of this?"

The bride replied, "Unless someone takes our place, we're really going to die. I never thought I'd end up marrying a man before I could even find a wife."

The groom hesitated for a moment, then spoke seriously, "Actually... there's something I've never told you. I like you! If I can die with you, I have no regrets."

The bride, dropping his earlier pretenses, said, "...Same here."

As they slowly closed their eyes and puckered their lips, getting closer and closer—

Xie Qinghan, having been force-fed a mouthful of dog food, stepped out to prevent further damage to his eyes.

"Stop! How about we take your place instead?"

The groom's eyes sparkled, "Really? But the Ghost King is very powerful. Can you handle him?"

Xie Qinghan: "We can. How do we take your place and enter the Ghost King's mansion?"

The bride said, "Change into our clothes. The ghost soldiers will be here soon."

After saying this, the bride looked at the two men, one tall and one short, and asked, "Who will be the bride?"

Xie Qinghan silently pointed at Wen Xueya, "Him."

A real man never cross-dresses!

Sorry, protagonist shou, but you'll have to dress as the bride.

Heh, definitely not because I want to see Wen Xueya in a dress

Wen Xueya's face flushed as he shyly looked at Xie Qinghan, "I'll do it."

Why are you blushing? It's just a dress!

After changing, Wen Xueya stood in the wedding dress, the red gown complementing his snow-white skin. His peach-blossom eyes shimmered, and his delicate features became even more radiant, almost to the point of being indistinguishable from a real beauty.

Xie Qinghan was stunned.

Could such a beautiful fairy truly exist in the mortal world?

Wen Xueya noticed his gaze, his face slightly red as he covered the lower half of his face with his sleeve. His watery eyes looked at Xie Qinghan, blinking shyly, almost seductively, as he asked, "Brother He,  do I not look good like this?"

Xie Qinghan averted his gaze, feeling a bit shy, "Y-you look beautiful..."

Drool was practically dripping from the corner of his mouth.

He looked absolutely stunning, okay!

But why does such a beautiful person have to have a... you know?

Ughhh, if not for that, he’d totally be my wife!

After Xie Qinghan and Wen Xueya changed into the wedding attire, the two cultivators left hand in hand.

Just as they turned around, a pale, eerie face appeared extremely close to him.

The paper figure's cheeks were painted with blood-red rouge, its lips looking as if it had just eaten a child.

Its red lips parted, speaking in a flat, unsettling tone: "Where do you think you're running off to?"

With that, two iron-like hands gripped his wrists.

Wen Xueya was also grabbed by another paper figure.

The paper figure pulled out a whip and lashed it at Wen Xueya, snarling, "How dare you run!"

Xie Qinghan quickly shielded him, taking the hit instead. His back instantly burned with pain.

Damn, did this ghost matchmaker take some kind of super strength pill? That hurt so much!

"Brother He, are you okay?!"

Wen Xueya's gaze towards the paper figure gradually darkened with a sinister glint, his hand moved toward the dagger hidden in his robes.

This paper figure dared to hit Brother Crane; he wanted to tear them apart with his own hands!

Light them on fire! Scatter their ashes!

Xie Qinghan pressed his hand down, signaling with his eyes not to act rashly.

He then gave him a reassuring smile: "It's okay, don't be afraid, I will protect you."

The ghost matchmaker pulled them apart and locked them up with chains: “Enough talking. Take them to the Ghost King.”

The end of the Yellow Springs Joy Road was the Ghost King's mansion.

The ghost matchmaker pushed the door open, and a chilling aura rushed towards them.

The courtyard was adorned with festive decorations—red silk, giant wedding banners, and glowing red lanterns, creating a disturbingly lively atmosphere.

Rows of paper-folded people with eerily painted faces stood at attention on both sides, waiting for Xie Qinghan and the others to enter.

Xie Qinghan complained to 233: “Is the Ghost King a human, a demon, or a ghost? Why does he have such a fetish for watching people get it on?”

233 replied seriously: "Probably... for the thrill."

After the ghost matchmaker dressed them up, they finally unlocked the chains on their hands.

Then, they handed them the red silk, each holding one end.

After entering, Xie Qinghan looked around, only to be shoved by a ghost soldier : "What are you looking at?"

Wen Xueya's expression darkened, his fists clenching tighter and tighter by his side.

He wanted to chop off that ghost soldier's hand!

But Brother Crane told him not to act rashly.

"The auspicious hour has arrived. Bow to heaven and earth!" the ghost officiant announced loudly.

I wonder if bowing here has any strange effects?

What if I really end up bound to Wen Xueya? That would be tragic.

Just as he was thinking this, someone behind Xie Qinghan kicked the back of his knee and forced his head down, slamming it hard against the ground.

Ouch!

"Second bow, to the parents!"

Sitting in the place of honor were two elderly-looking paper figures, their eyes bright and piercing.

It almost felt like lasers could shoot out of their eyes at any moment.

Xie Qinghan tried to find humor in the situation.

"Husband and wife, bow to each other!"

Xie Qinghan hesitated.

This time, he was the one cuckolding the main protagonist.

Two shou characters ending up together...

...Hahaha, he’s really outdone himself this time!

This time, he’s the groom, which means he’s the... gong!!!

He’s counterattacking!!!

Seeing his hesitation, the ghost soldier’s previously cheerful and amiable expression turned ferocious again: “If you don’t bow, I’ll take your heads off and make them bow instead.”

So brutal.

Xie Qinghan obediently knelt down and bowed to Wen Xueya.

“Now, escort them to the bridal chamber!”

Xie Qinghan and Wen Xueya were pushed into the wedding chamber by the paper figures.

The dragon-and-phoenix candles flickered brightly in the room, giving Xie Qinghan a moment to catch his breath.

“Brother He, how’s your injury?”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s all my fault. If my meridians weren’t ruined, Brother He wouldn’t have had to wade into this mess for me, let alone marry me.”

“It’s not your fault. Don’t overthink it.”

Seeing him shivering, Xie Qinghan’s heart softened. He stepped forward and hugged him, gently patting his back. “Don’t be afraid. Everything will be fine.”

Xie Qinghan was actually quite scared of ghosts himself, so he tried to make small talk with 233: “Little system, I feel like I’m radiating the aura of a reliable big brother right now.”

233: “No, what you’re radiating isn’t the aura of a reliable big brother—it’s the aura of a doting old father.”

Xie Qinghan: “...”

After thinking for a moment, Xie Qinghan decided to tell Wen Xueya: “There’s going to be some wedding chamber antics later. I might have to do something to you.”

Wen Xueya’s cheeks flushed slightly: “Brother He, I understand. You can do whatever you want to me later.”

 Anyway, it’s not like you can actually do anything.

He lifted Xie Qinghan’s hand and pressed it against his own cheek.

He narrowed his eyes and nuzzled against it, like a cat trying to please him, and said seriously: “Brother, from now on, I belong only to you.” 

So, what about you?

For some reason, Xie Qinghan’s cheeks felt hot, and his heart rate sped up because of Wen Xueya’s words.

An inappropriate phrase popped into his mind: You’re such a little temptress.

He swallowed hard and skipped over the topic: “We’ll just act. Once the Ghost King shows up, we’ll take him down in one go! I’m really strong!”

As he spoke, the paper figures for the wedding chamber antics arrived.

The leading ghost officiant’s bright red lips stretched almost to the back of his head as he said: “You two newlyweds, drink the ceremonial wine.”

Xie Qinghan looked at the swaying red wine cups on the table, crying internally.

Who would’ve thought his first wedding would be with a man?

Oh well, the protagonist shou is so beautiful—just go with it.

Xie Qinghan poured a cup of wine for Wen Xueya and then one for himself.

They linked arms, brought the cups to their lips, and used their sleeves to block the paper figures’ view as they poured the wine onto the ground.

Wen Xueya did the same.

After all, this was something from the ghost realm—who knew what was really in it?

After finishing the wine, Xie Qinghan handed the empty cup to the paper figure for inspection.

Only then did the ghost officiant reveal a kind smile and say,"Next, please ask the groom to be obedient to the bride."

What is it to be obedient?

Xie Qinghan was completely baffled. He looked at Wen Xueya, who was blushing shyly, and asked, “What does that mean?”

“It means this,” the ghost officiant said, ordering two paper figures to demonstrate.

So Xie Qinghan watched as the two paper figures pressed their mouths together.

So it’s... kissing???

Xie Qinghan’s gaze fell on Wen Xueya’s soft, red lips, the lip bead full and round, glistening with an enticing hue.

He took a few steps back, muttering, “Little system, save me! That’s a man’s mouth! That’s an abyss of doom!”

233 replied calmly, “What’s there to be afraid of? You’ve already kissed before.”

“...When? How do I not know this?”

You’ve already been kissed multiple times. By the time you realize it, you’ll have been—

233 held back his inner complaints and reminded him, "Didn’t you accidentally kiss Wen Xueya the first time you met him as Hè Mián?"

Oh, right.

Xie Qinghan took a deep breath. It’s fine.

Just imagine Wen Xueya as a radish.

Kissing a man is a problem, but kissing a radish is totally fine!

The ghost officiant looked impatient: “Groom, can you do it or not?”

You’re questioning my ability?

A real man can’t say no!

Xie Qinghan placed his hands on Wen Xueya’s shoulders, took a deep breath, and said, “I’m going to kiss you now. Sorry about this.”

He leaned in...

The distance between them grew smaller and smaller, until they could almost feel each other’s breath.

Just a hair’s breadth away, he stopped.

I really can’t do this.

How do two men even kiss? Do you use tongues?

Should it be a French kiss, A wet kiss? A teasing lick?

The ghost officiant snarled, “Are you going to kiss or not? If not, you’re dead right now!”

Xie Qinghan wanted to cry.

His mind was filled with a meme from Empresses in the Palace: Your servant truly cannot do this!

He watched helplessly as the ghost soldiers sharpened their blades and advanced toward them.

Wen Xueya narrowed his eyes and sighed inwardly. At this critical moment, he had to take the initiative.

He grabbed Xie Qinghan by the collar, forcing him to lower his head, then tilted his own neck and kissed him.

Xie Qinghan's eyes widened in disbelief as he stared at Wen Xueya!

He had been kissed by the protagonist shou!

The protagonist shou kissed him!

Kissed him!

Him!

Xie Qinghan's nervous system was completely fried...

The ghost soldiers watching nearby immediately erupted into chaos, some whistling, others eagerly watching the spectacle.

"Use your tongue! Kiss him hard!"

"Go for it, bride! Make the groom cry! Don't stop!"

"Pin him to the bed and kiss him until he can't breathe, until tears well up in his eyes and he can only beg for mercy!"

The sound of suona horns and the clamor of the wedding chamber blended together, creating a surreal and bizarre scene.

At first, Wen Xueya's lips merely pressed against Xie Qinghan's, but gradually, Xie Qinghan felt something wet licking at the seam of his lips.

It was Wen Xueya's tongue!

Wen Xueya wanted to French kiss him!

Xie Qinghan pushed against Wen Xueya's shoulders, resisting and trying to shove him away.

His cheeks flushed, his eyes glistening as if washed with water, he whispered softly, "Don't do this..."

The moment they stopped, the suona horns and ghostly cries abruptly ceased. Every single paper man in the room turned to stare at them with dark, resentful eyes.

"Why did you stop? Do you want to die?"

Wen Xueya’s gaze fell upon Xie Qinghan’s lips.

Heaven knew how much effort it took for him to restrain himself, to hold back from completely invading and conquering.

But he played the part of the cunning fox, lowering his voice to gently coax his dear He Dage into his trap

"BrotherHe , all of this is to lure the Ghost King out. Don't be afraid, I won't do anything to you, I'll be very gentle."

"So... Brother, don't refuse me, okay? Otherwise, I'll be very sad."

He kissed Xie Qinghan's small, reddened earlobe, his warm breath brushing against Xie Qinghan's ear.

It was he who had crippled half of Wen Xueya's meridians, so now helping him obtain the Ghost King's  Fire Melting Pill    was only fair.

Xie Qinghan closed his eyes.

A carrot that can kiss is nothing special!

Besides, it's a very beautiful carrot!

A pleased emotion flashed in Wen Xueya's eyes. Brother He was really easy to fool.

He kissed him.

He leaned in and kissed him again.

This time, his tongue traced over the seam of Xie Qinghan’s lips, prying them open, hooking around his soft tongue, sucking and intertwining with it.

The nimble tip of Wen Xueya’s tongue invaded Xie Qinghan’s mouth with dominance, allowing no room for refusal as it greedily plundered the sweet nectar within.

Xie Qinghan forgot to breathe. His face was flushed a deep red, the tips of his ears tinged with a delicate pink. Dizzy and lightheaded from the kiss, his breath turned scorching hot.

He was going to suffocate!

He didn’t want to be kissed to death!

He pressed against Wen Xueya's shoulder, pulling back slightly, gasping for breath.

Their tongues reluctantly parted, a trail of saliva forming a suggestive silver thread that broke in the air.

Wen Xueya’s gaze darkened as he took in Xie Qinghan’s lips, red and swollen from the kiss.

Those paper man  were too noisy, too unnecessary—he wanted to kill them all!

He Dage looked so beautiful like this. 

Wen Xueya’s gaze turned feverish and obsessive.

He wanted to hide him away, to keep him all to himself.

Unable to resist, Wen Xueya leaned in and pecked Xie Qinghan’s lips again, savoring the moment.

Xie Qinghan’s face turned an even deeper shade of red. His watery eyes shimmered with a dazed, misty look, his gaze unfocused, the corners tinged with a faint redness. His voice came out soft and pleading as he whispered, “My legs are weak… I can’t stand anymore… Kiss me slower…”

Wen Xueya's eyes deepened into an abyss of darkness.

He wanted to devour Brother He whole, to kiss every inch of his skin.

He wanted to see his body flushed with an adorable pink, curled up beneath him, clutching at the sheets, his eyes red with unshed tears, sobbing and moaning in a hoarse voice.

He wanted to witness the most primal version of He Qinghan, lost in pleasure, completely drowned in his love.

He walked in darkness, and Heming was the moonlight that fell upon him.

Accompanied by a sinister chuckle, the ghostly master of ceremonies grinned from ear to ear and announced, "Very well, let us now proceed to the final event, the consummation."

"Bride and groom, please begin."

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